Computer Poems
These Computer Poems are for those Techy Gadget people out there and there are also some Techno Phobes ones to balance the scales.
**
Computer Poems
**
LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER...
MEMORY
Was something
that you lost with age
A WEBSITE
Was A Spiders
Home
A HARD DRIVE
Was A Long
Trip On The
Road
AND A 3 1/2 INCH FLOPPY
Was Something you hoped no one
knew about.
**
Oh No! I've crashed I heard someone say
Getting worried dropped all and ran over;
It's just stopped dead, she said fear in her eyes
Everything lost aaah! I need closure.
**
Updates are ready, I don't care if they are
You'll not do them till I say;
How many updates can there be?
You've already done three today.
I'm the boss when I talk to it
You'll put the file there;
Oh no I won't it as good as says
I can't find it anywhere.
So I look in search and it's nowhere to be found
I feel I'm going mad;
With books and pens we knew where we were
Personally, I think it's sad!
Maggiemay
**
What's wrong with writing I ask my class
I just can't do it they say;
The skills have long gone you know
Bring some of them back right now, today!
**
Computer Poems
**
The programmes are written in such a way
That understanding is not always easy;
Frustration and anger comes to the fore
When the kids say easy, peasy!
I'm mastering my tv remote
As I live and breathe;
My 3 year old took it from me
And on my pride laid a wreath.
She found her programme straight away
Oh Grandma, you are so funny;
You can't do anything right
I will go home and tell my mummy
Maggiemay
**
A chip used to be something you had for your tea
And put inside a buttie;
But now they rule just about everything
Videos, telephones, to name but a few and it's all driving us nutty!
We're stuck now some people say
Addictions amongst them are rife;
The young ones will grow bigger thumbs
I tell them to get a life.
I supposed I've turned into a Techno Phobe
A bit of me has I'm sure;
The quality of life and work
Has seriously dropped and we need to find a cure!
Some say the old ways were the best
But boy they were really slow;
It's finding the yardstick in between
For a healthy culture to grow.
Fresh air and fun is shunned by some
With fear in their neighbourhood;
It's really very sad
It's really not very good.
Maggiemay
**
So now you need a driving licence
To drive the hard drive in your laptop;
They've called it the ECDL I'm told
This madness really must stop.
Many old skills that machines do now
People don't know how to do;
Without these chips we're done for
In fact we're in deep do do!
In hospitals, planes and our cars too.
Machines do all the tests;
We have to learn how to read them
The machine does all the rest.
So if I'm phobic I think I've got a point
Our happiness levels have dropped by miles;
We've lost the pleasures we had but
Also we've lost our smiles.
Maggiemay
**
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER, FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting-up an office in my den, and I'm
thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office, with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office, with windows! Let's just say I'm
sitting at a computer, and I want to type proposals. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word, in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office, is office.
ABBOTT: The Word, in Office, for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office, for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'll come and click *your* blue 'W', if you don't give me
some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have
anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money, to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a licence to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a licence to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I stop my computer, and turn it off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............
**
**
Computer Poems
**
LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER...
MEMORY
Was something
that you lost with age
A WEBSITE
Was A Spiders
Home
A HARD DRIVE
Was A Long
Trip On The
Road
AND A 3 1/2 INCH FLOPPY
Was Something you hoped no one
knew about.
**
Oh No! I've crashed I heard someone say
Getting worried dropped all and ran over;
It's just stopped dead, she said fear in her eyes
Everything lost aaah! I need closure.
**
Updates are ready, I don't care if they are
You'll not do them till I say;
How many updates can there be?
You've already done three today.
I'm the boss when I talk to it
You'll put the file there;
Oh no I won't it as good as says
I can't find it anywhere.
So I look in search and it's nowhere to be found
I feel I'm going mad;
With books and pens we knew where we were
Personally, I think it's sad!
Maggiemay
**
What's wrong with writing I ask my class
I just can't do it they say;
The skills have long gone you know
Bring some of them back right now, today!
**
Computer Poems
**
The programmes are written in such a way
That understanding is not always easy;
Frustration and anger comes to the fore
When the kids say easy, peasy!
I'm mastering my tv remote
As I live and breathe;
My 3 year old took it from me
And on my pride laid a wreath.
She found her programme straight away
Oh Grandma, you are so funny;
You can't do anything right
I will go home and tell my mummy
Maggiemay
**
A chip used to be something you had for your tea
And put inside a buttie;
But now they rule just about everything
Videos, telephones, to name but a few and it's all driving us nutty!
We're stuck now some people say
Addictions amongst them are rife;
The young ones will grow bigger thumbs
I tell them to get a life.
I supposed I've turned into a Techno Phobe
A bit of me has I'm sure;
The quality of life and work
Has seriously dropped and we need to find a cure!
Some say the old ways were the best
But boy they were really slow;
It's finding the yardstick in between
For a healthy culture to grow.
Fresh air and fun is shunned by some
With fear in their neighbourhood;
It's really very sad
It's really not very good.
Maggiemay
**
So now you need a driving licence
To drive the hard drive in your laptop;
They've called it the ECDL I'm told
This madness really must stop.
Many old skills that machines do now
People don't know how to do;
Without these chips we're done for
In fact we're in deep do do!
In hospitals, planes and our cars too.
Machines do all the tests;
We have to learn how to read them
The machine does all the rest.
So if I'm phobic I think I've got a point
Our happiness levels have dropped by miles;
We've lost the pleasures we had but
Also we've lost our smiles.
Maggiemay
**
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER, FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting-up an office in my den, and I'm
thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office, with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office, with windows! Let's just say I'm
sitting at a computer, and I want to type proposals. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word, in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office, is office.
ABBOTT: The Word, in Office, for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office, for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'll come and click *your* blue 'W', if you don't give me
some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have
anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money, to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a licence to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a licence to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I stop my computer, and turn it off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............
**